Flash Forward …

Here I am once more with another of my reader’s prompts. This week I am doing a “flash” on a sentence contributed by my good buddy and one of the Top One Hundred Writer’s Digest Blogs … Anne R. Allen. If you don’t already follow her blog, you should begin immediately or sooner.

I must admit I was pleased to see that so many of you gave me prompts that lend themselves to mystery and suspense. It’s a fun hapenstance even if not by design … ’cause we all know I love murder and mayhem.


There are dozens of books with Murder and Mayhem
as the title or noted within the   title. 
This is one that was featured on a blog called Rita Reviews.


And for your reading pleasure, this is Anne’s sentence. Hope you enjoy …

They killed the last one yesterday …

Dayton Lloyd stood at the end of the dock, the wind and rain beating against the sea wall. He begged it to wash away the overpowering odor of burnt flesh that mingled in the air with the sickening sweet scents of burnt sugar. How did an Oxford man find himself standing next to an abandoned candy factory in a place they called Brooklyn?

How had he been drawn into this man hunt and the systematic destruction of human flesh? When he joined the agency he truly believed he would be doing God’s work, that the will of the Almighty had grappled him into submission. “Serve or die.”

Yes, he had served. And a total of twelve humans had died. He had questioned his superiors, told them he believed what the Americans called a Black Op had backfired and they were being used in a cover up.

“Do your job, Lloyd.”

He heard Bethany behind him and turned. “I didn’t expect to see you here today.”

“I needed to see for myself.” She walked closer and stood next to him, her hand finding his.”Is it finally over?”

“To be sure. They killed the last one yesterday.”

“I don’t trust that American. There’s something about him. Like he thinks he’s the Godfather.”

Dayton laughed. “No, not the Godfather. He thinks he’s Elliot Ness.”

“This fire was a bit of overkill even for him.”

“I suppose. But he waxes towards melodrama,” he said. “Some guy they own in the Fire Department will claim the corpse was a derelict hiding in the factory to get in out of the rain.”

“Bloody hell.” She looked around. “This Brooklyn is a nasty place, don’t you think?”

He couldn’t judge if the whole of Brooklyn was as nasty as narrow alleys and rotting buildings near these docks. It didn’t matter. He missed home, wanted to get out to make it home for his son’s birthday.

“Not to worry. With any luck we’ll land at Heathrow by morning.”

“I don’t believe he was the last.”

They had traveled across the ocean and spanned two continents to seek and destroy the destructors. No major armed forces needed. This battle was covert, non public. And although they were assured this last one would be the end, Dayton knew there would always be another to take his place.

Dayton was told the news headlines would read, Unknown Arsonists Burns Down Abandoned Candy Factory. “Brooklyn, the damn Feds. I’ve had it with the lot of them.”

They stood for a long time, hearing the rumble of far off thunder, feeling the fine mist from the waters of the Brooklyn Narrows.


Anthony Petrillo watched the two agents brought in from across the pond. He didn’t trust the British. They still thought they had some kind of hold on the colonies. His eyes darted from the burning building to the two at the end of the dock.

His cell buzzed. “Yeah boss?”

“You remember the call of Paul Revere?”

“Look, I’m tired and I need to get home. My kid is receiving his First Holy Communion this afternoon.”

“Paul Revere made that famous call …The British are coming.”

“I told you last week, we didn’t need them to come over here and play James Bond and Mrs. Peal.”

“Just remember what we did to them that night. Then go make a good Confession and take Communion with your son.”

Lloyd and the girl were busy reporting back to London when Petrillo got the first call. “Take his weapon before you start the slow burn.”

Now he knew why. “War is hell.”

“Do your job, Petrillo.”


The caller turned to his superior and told him. “That was Petrillo in Brooklyn, Sir. Sorry to report, the two Brits were killed before he could get there.”

“Damn shame.” He snubbed out his Cuban cigar. “I’ll call London and tell them to expect them at Heathrow by morning.”


Tell me if you please … Do you love a good mystery?

Are you a hopeless romantic?

Or perhaps you go both ways?

fOIS In The City


Filed under Flash Fiction

31 responses to “Flash Forward …

  1. I LOVED this. Please do your job. Please write this book. Thank you. That is all.


  2. You are good. What a story.


  3. You have me hooked. Need to read the rest.


  4. I enjoyed reading this, Florence. It’s been a long time since I’ve read a mystery or thriller. This enticed me to pick it up again.
    Thank you.


    • Patti, mysteries and thrillers make my heart sing. I am a cross genre reader and write in women’s fiction and mystery. I’m glad I tickled your fancy to find a good thriller. Try Harlan Coben 🙂


  5. Awesome, Florence! I want to pick up a book with your name on the cover, so go work on that novel!


  6. Vicki Batman

    Florence! You did it again. Write some more!!!


  7. christicorbett


    Seriously, you have such a gift with words that I’m starting to look forward to Wednesdays because I know you’ve got another short posted and I am fortunate enough to be able to read it.

    Loved how you managed to do multiple points of view so well too. Me thinks there’s a longer story in this one 😀



    • Ah sucks, Christi. Your are too generous. I think the real trick to flash fiction is teasing people to want more. I’ve used flashes to get a hook on a longer piece. Then, again … who knows that I might take one of these prompts and use them for a book ?? Thanks so much 🙂


  8. Wow. You sure took that prompt and ran with it. You definitely have a thriller in you. Great writing.

    I had thought of going somewhere entirely different, like maybe a story about gardening and killing dandelions 🙂

    BTW, I think I’ve finally solved the problem with you commenting on my blog. You should be able to do it next time with no trouble. Let me know if Blogger is still being a pain.


    • Dandelions ?? I can tell you a good story about dandelions, Anne … but we don’t have the time 🙂 Thanks for your comments. You know I appreciate them.

      And thanks for dealing with my comment problem. Yours is one blog I don’t miss each week !!


  9. What fun, Florence! This almost sounds like a chapter from the same book the prompt I gave could come from. (Wow, that was an awkward sentence, but you know what I mean.) Keep them coming!


  10. This is wonderful, Florence, and now I want to read more of the story. The reader prompts was a brilliant idea and I love seeing what you do with each one. 🙂


  11. Florence – I agree with everyone, you are indeed talented in this arena. I love what you do with the sentence.


    • Sheri … I haven’t decided if its talent or frustrated compulsions … but either way … I am having fun. We’ll have to see as this feature begins to flesh out 🙂 I always appreciate your visits … thanks 🙂


  12. Florence,

    People keep telling me I’m a romantic, but I doubt it. I love a great love story but that happily ever after all the time bothers me more than a bit. Life isn’t that way.
    I enjoy a good mystery and if a love story is entwined within that, well, so much the better for my enjoyment.

    Have a great week.


    • Casey, I can see from your sentence you are a fellow lover of the mysterious. I often give my poor slueth a love story … I mean solving murders can make a gal or guy in need of a big hug !! Thanks, and you have a great week also 🙂


  13. Awesome, Florence! Well done! Hope you keep going with it!

    BTW I found your comments in my spam box on my blog. So sorry I didn’t even see them! Fixed the problem tho!


    • Thanks, PK … glad you like the new feature. I’m also glad you found my comments. I got shut out of Anne’s blog for a while, but didn’t know your comments were going to spam. I’m glad we all enjoy each other’s posts 🙂


  14. Love it when a story comes full circle, and you accomplished this with style, my friend. Jolly good, pip pip and well done!


  15. You should definitely continue with that one 🙂



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s